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Writer's Block: Spring Cleaning

The mold growing on the wood inside the skylights. I was going to try a vinegar/baking soda solution this time, but I can't figure how to get the screens out.

Well that's such a material answer, I feel compelled to give a more spiritual one, too. I really need to get rid of my negative thinking. And slowly, I seem to be succeeding in doing that. 
What do you really need to get rid of?

The past blasts me at last

Last week I had reason to take out a diary of mine from 1987, from when I was a freshman in college. Back then I was doing all these cool things, and I dragged out the diary because I'm helping a curatorial intern compile info for a future museum show. (Let's side step the fact that one day I may look back and be forced to admit that the only thing I ever did that was museum worthy happened when I was only 18 and it was all downhill from there.) What amazed me was to read my complaints from 1987...they are almost identical to my complaints today! Even at 18, I was fretting about how I have to be the proactive one in keeping friendships going, and worrying that I will never achieve anything noteworthy in my life. I was bitching about this when I was in the middle of an incredible, busy, full life, that involved getting paid to read my poetry to people, appearing on the cover of a local magazine, having a newspaper article detailing one of my gallery shows and another about a performance art piece, and having a skate punk band play at my 19th birthday party. Wow, if I thought things sucked then, I really had no idea what I was getting myself into when I slid into the anonymity of middle age, where it seems like everyone I know is either sick, nursing an aging parent, working their souls into the ground or flailing their way through parenthood.

What I've learned in recent weeks is that path to misery is lined with egotism. The more I think about myself and what other people are doing to me -- or not doing for me -- the more unhappy I become. The solution, I suspect, is in service to others, while expecting nothing in return. Expectations exist to be shattered, so if I reduce or eliminate expectation then I can just live in the moment and enjoy what comes or doesn't come. I'm trying to be optimistic that this will work for me, but what would life be if it wasn't a struggle?


Writer's Block: Back to the Future

I'd rather find a way to stay in the present. You know, like deeply, spiritually present, in a Buddhist sort of way.
Given the choice of time travel, would you go back in time or forward?

Following the Tao, or something

Many a day I come walking up to an intersection where I have to wait to cross. I look on one side of the street and think, "Maybe I'll go to that coffee shop." Then I look on the other side of the street, and think, "No, maybe I'll go to that coffee shop." I can't decide, so I let the Walk light decide for me; whichever light allows me to walk first will beckon me to one coffee shop or the other.

This is how I would like to structure the rest of my life. Making decisions based on the paths that open up to me first. It's a little like the thrill of infinite possibility, but it is everyday and forever. I can be much calmer and content living this way.


Writer's Block: Tough Choices

There's part of me that thinks that love is just a state of mind, and as a figment of the imagination, it should be easy to give up. But there's another part of me that thinks friendship and family couldn't exist without love. So I find the question mostly unanswerable. :)
If forced to give up one, which would you choose: love, friendship, or family?

Pandora Hearts Volume 8: "Gil's memories"

In Retrace 33 there's this great scene between Gilbert and Vincent, where Gilbert seems to be getting a flashback of lost memories. Check this here and the next few pages, and think about it with the hindsight learned a few chapters back, in Retrace 65. Now it makes more sense why Vincent is laughing at Gilbert...his real memories are all mixed up with his current life.

State of the gommyommy, January 21, 2012

Just got volume 8 of Pandora Hearts and this week I plan to share some tidbits from it, but I will friends lock them for security/paranoia purposes, so friend me if you want to see!

Beyond that, I have been busy. Mostly been busy being in pain, and dealing with the snow that hit Seattle last week and then quickly turned to slush. I am still selling GFantasy, and wondering why no one has taken me up on my offer to Make You Free Stuff. And I have a new humor blog and am writing about being gluten-free. So there you go.


Some GFantasy magazines for sale

I have these issues in very good condition:

9/2010 SOLD!
10/2010 SOLD!
11/2010 SOLD!
12/2010 SOLD!

click for price and picsCollapse )

State of the gommyommy, January 13, 2012

I've been updating one of my other blogs, and just started a humor blog. Feel free to follow along.

I've caught up on Soul Eater and D. Gray-man (what? favorite characters dying? No, I don't believe it).


Writer's Block: Trading Places

I'd like to be someone with worse physical problems than me. Maybe someone missing a limb, in a wheelchair, blind or with late stage cancer. Then when I get back in my own body, I will be so much more grateful for my particular flavor of constant pain and struggle.
If you could be anyone else for a day, who would you want to be, and why?

Pay it Forward 2012 meme

PAY IT FORWARD 2012 (via sanginmychains)

My pledge? I promise to make something handmade for the first 5 people who comment on this post.

The catch? You must then post this on your own LJ/FB/Twitter (wherever you like) and make something for the first 5 people who comment on it.

The rules? Items must be handmade* by you and the recipients must receive them before the end of 2012. So what are you waiting for?

*when it says handmade, it doesn't have to be anything major like a chest of drawers. It can be anything as simple as some graphics (if you don't want to give out your address), or a card, or origami, crafts, sewing, knitting, food related, anything at all. 

If you live in Seattle or near there, I can provide you a hula hoop or cook you a meal. Beyond that, I also can do knitted things (hats, scarves, shawls, mittens), music mixes, and manga coloring. I might even be able to write you a fic. I might have other skills, but can't seem to think of what they are at the moment. Ask, and you may just receive!


Writer's Block: Career paths

Any job where people see me as an knowledgable authority on something. I used to have jobs like that, and it was good for my sense of self-worth, let me tell ya. I read recently that stay at home moms are more likely to be depressed than working moms. I can believe it. Being a stay at home mom is its own type of hell. I see my friends doing awesome things like starting companies, filing for patents, publishing books and performing shows, while I'm drowning in a sea of laundry, clutter, and dirty dishes. And then my kid does something like try to hustle a dollar out of a neighbor when delivering a gift of cookies, or carve tic tac toe boards in the wooden table, and I think all my effort at motherhood has been for naught. I have to keep reminding myself of the little victories and awesomes. I have a smart kid, and I'm there for her when she comes home from school. A lot of people would envy that. I have a boatload of free time. I may be using it to do a hundred little different things that don't seem to add up to much, but at least I know there are some people who love me, and that counts for a lot.

If you could have any job in the world, what would it be?

Publication Self-Flagellation

If I open my personal journal to see what I’ve been scribbling about most over the last couple of years, it is my apparent inability to Achieve Anything. I internalized a lot of “no you can’t do that” when I was growing up, and now I seem to think I can’t do anything, and you know what they say: your focus determines your reality. I have psyched myself out of trying hard to achieve any of my goals in recent years, and manage to forget all the things I have actually done. And I’ve done a lot. Trouble is the One Big Thing keeps eluding me, and that is to publish a book.
A few paragraphs that you may or may not find helpful and interesting.Collapse )
Anyway, I think the universe is telling me to wait on publishing. The whole field is changing drastically. Maybe in twenty years there will be a way to inject a book into your vagus nerve and have it do the polka in your corpus callosum. Stalling on this while I reach my eventual peak as a writer could be a good thing. And if not, there will be a lot of unpublished manuscripts for someone else to play with when I die. 
Last day of my life, how would I spend it, hm? Coming up with a music playlist for my funeral. Getting my documents in order so people will know what the heck is going on with my finances, websites and other stuff when I'm not around to explain. Dang, I'm too practical, huh? Oh, and then I'd write some kind of "goodbye I love you all and I forgive you all and I hope you all forgive me and remember me kindly" kind of letter. And then I'd have sex. :D  With as many people as possible.

If you knew today was your last day on Earth, how would you spend it, and why?

Writer's Block: It's payday!

Right on. A million dollars. I'd pay off the mortgage and set aside the money for the kid's college education. Give the max yearly gift limit (tax wise) to close friends and relations. Start up some kind of foundation or scholarship in my name. Do something to help the homeless. And maybe buy a yarn store or bookstore or coffee/tea shop. 
What would you do if you had a million dollars?

State of the gommyommy November 14, 2011

I finally hit 10,000 words on NaNoWriMo this month! I've decided I'm going to try to write at least 10,000 words a month of something. It might be this third novel I'm plugging away on, or this non fiction book idea I have, or short stories. Something. If I have a reasonable goal, I can achieve it.

I dream of a world...

I dream of a world full of people who, like me, have little or no appreciation for TV, movies, plays, violent video games, soda pop, and sugary foods. I would love to be surrounded by people who, like me, know how to cook. We would cook for each other the most wonderful, wonderful meals. We’d share candlelit baths and hot tub sessions and talk about our feelings and ideas.
I want to live in a world where people spend more time looking at each other than at various screens. Where hands enjoy skin to skin contact and people can fall asleep with each other instead of their laptops and iPhones. I’m as addicted to the Internet as anyone else around here, but on cool autumn nights when the days are short, I swear I was born in the wrong century.

Manga Recommendation: Soul Eater

Like any good story, Soul Eater gets deeper as it goes on. Its philosophical meditations on the relationship between power, fear, strength and madness are just the sort of thing I expect from my fictional material. But perhaps even better yet is the glorious absurdity with which so many characters and battles are painted. Like a typical shonen story, there are tons of fight scenes, and the main characters gain skills and maturity as time goes on. But I love the fact that we get to see some of the neuroses, character flaws, and insecurities that these folks have to overcome to get better.
All the wackiness my non-sequitur sensors require is right there on the page: characters who shape shift into weapons or animals; a character who goes around with half his face and shoulder on fire; a death-god with skull mask who talks like a goofus; bad guys who fuck up their spells in hilarious ways; a zombie fighting people with his own tombstone, and ridiculous situations involving getting trapped inside a book or seeing a guy in a priest costume kick some ass. All these fun things bask under a sun and moon that have toothy mouths, which sometimes drool or drip blood.
 And then...Collapse )

Writer's Block: Time for change

So when a person steps up as a President of the USA, they have all these grand plans for what they will achieve. Then a few years later, they usually haven't done even half of what they promised. So I wonder...do they take new Presidents into a room and give them a debriefing where they inform them who is really running the country and why you can't do X, Y and Z? 

Next I would remind Mr. Obama that if he wants to get reelected, he really needs to market himself a little better. I love that he's a thinker and works a lot behind the scenes to get things done, but unfortunately, most people are ruled by their emotions and their emotions are constantly being manipulated by various forms of media, so without a good game plan, I fear the man is in danger of losing his post in the 2012 election.

I hope I get to see Elizabeth Warren for President some day. Or Oprah Winfrey. 

Question was: "If you could ask the leader of your country anything, what would it be?"

Truly Scary Music

NPR recently posted a question asking people what music they find scary. Clearly, this is a subjective question, because a lot of people picked music that wasn't scary at all, at least in my view. So since it is That Time of Year, I thought I'd post some songs I think are frightening enough to play for trick or treaters if you're going for that Haunted House vibe at your place. I've ranked them from top to bottom in terms of haunted house-iness.

Cris D'Aveugle” by Diamanda Galas
Church Scream” by Wooden Veil
“Instinct(Backtosense)” by Cindytalk [you can get a clip of it here]
Foretaste” by Kajiura Yuki (Pandora Hearts soundtrack)
Dauðalagið” by Sigur Rós
The Wolf” by Fever Ray



Hanamatsuri, Inuou


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